Welcome to the final installment of our AIMS Communication Review series. In case you missed the first 4, here ya go!
AIMS Communication Review – Part 1
AIMS Communication Review – Part 2
AIMS Communication Review – Part 3
AIMS Communication Review – Part 4
And, we’re off…
Biggest communication struggle: When I need to council or discipline
Nobody likes to hear that they screwed up or could be doing better, right? Not so fast.
It’s usually not the message that people object to, it’s the way the message is delivered. Ergo, “don’t kill the messenger.” Since we are the messenger, it’s in our best interest to develop some survival skills.
First and foremost, we must not look at these situations as adversarial. You know, us vs. them. It’s our job to help our employees get better, and that means that we sometimes have to correct a behavior or action. We may also have to document that behavior if a policy has been violated.
When it comes to having the conversation, your opening and the words you choose can set the tone for the entire experience. Here are some examples:
“Karen, I can’t believe you got another guest complaint. Your attitude is really slipping. I had such high hopes for you in the beginning of the season.”
–OR–
“Karen, thanks for coming in. I wanted to talk about some of the recent guest complaints that have come in, specifically the ones that mentioned you. What can you tell me about those situations?”
The first one is very accusatory, and doesn’t give Karen much of a chance to tell her side of the story. In fact, I could see Karen getting very defensive, which wouldn’t be very productive for the conversation.
What was different about the second one? We acknowledged Karen’s willingness to participate, stated what we wanted to talk about, then immediately gave Karen an opportunity to share her perspective. By approaching this as a way to help Karen, we are setting ourselves (and Karen) up for a much more meaningful and effective conversation.
Sometimes, even after the best opening, an employee could still try to deflect the blame on to someone else. I’ll bet you have all heard things like:
“What about Jeremy? He’s been getting guest complaints, too!”
“Really? I wasn’t even trained for that position. How could I be expected to know what to do?”
“It’s not my fault, we didn’t have the tools needed to do the job. Weren’t you supposed to get those for us?”
…and the list goes on.
The goal, of course, is to steer you away from the topic and place the blame elsewhere. But you won’t be falling for that because you prepared for this conversation. You thought of some of the objections or roadblocks the employee might throw at you and were prepared with a response. For example:
“What about Jeremy? He’s been getting guest complaints, too!” “We’re not talking about Jeremy, we’re talking about you.”
“Really? I wasn’t even trained for that position. How could I be expected to know what to do?” “I’ve seen you in the position many times, and I know that Grant trained you. You’ve actually done it very well in the past.”
“It’s not my fault, we didn’t have the tools needed to do the job. Weren’t you supposed to get those for us?” “Actually, yes, and they arrived last week. I saw three of your co-workers using them the very next day.”
Certainly your answers will vary based on the situation, but the point is to be prepared by taking the time before the conversation to think through some of these scenarios.
Biggest communication struggle: Don’t always relay the intended message
When hearing this, my first question is: how do you know?
Did someone not do what you asked them to do? Did they badger you with follow-up questions that they should have known based on what you said? Did you hear them relaying your message to someone else and they missed the mark?
If you do know that you haven’t relayed the intended message, there are two places to look: at you as the message originator and the other person, as the message receiver.
Here are some questions to ask about YOU:
- Do I fully understand the message?
- Have I taken time to explain all aspects of the message?
- Have I made any assumptions about the message receiver (i.e. word choice, previous knowledge or experience)?
- Have I emphasized or prioritized the most important parts of the message?
And also some questions about the RECEIVER:
- Are they ready, willing, and able to receive the message?
- Do they have any preconceived ideas that would cloud the message?
- Have you had successful communications with them in the past? If so, what made it successful?
- Are there, or will there be, distractions that take away from the delivery of the message?
- How will you check for understanding with this person?
That last one is pretty powerful… if you THINK there may be a discrepancy, how will you find out before it’s too late? There are a number of ways to check for understanding or comprehension. After you have relayed your message, you could ask:
- Does that make sense?
- What questions do you have?
- How would you explain this to someone else?
Each of these offer a different level of feedback regarding their comprehension. The first may just be a head nod. Okay, they think they get it. The second allows them to clarify anything they don’t get, but they may not know what they don’t know. The last one allows you to hear, in their own words, how they would relay this message to someone else. This should let you know if you are on the right track with that person or not.
Biggest communication struggle: Accepting change
For the last one of these that we’re going to tackle, this is a doozie.
Change. Wow. Okay.
Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that not all change is created equal. Some change is easy to deal with and accept, some is not. Let’s start there.
Change that is easy to accept is usually change that we initiate or immediately agree with. I’m guessing that the person who submitted this was not having trouble accepting changes that they suggested, so…
On to the changes we that we didn’t choose, don’t agree with or don’t understand.
- Sometimes we resist change because we think the change will harm us.
- Sometimes we resist change because we think we won’t be able to keep up (although we rarely admit this one)
- Sometimes we resist change because we can’t see what the true outcome is going to be (so our mind automatically goes for the worst case scenario)
- Sometimes we resist change solely because of the person who suggested it
That’s a lot of reasons and ways we can resist change. Ultimately these all stem from our comfort zone, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We create our comfort zones for survival, to put us in a confident position to deal with whatever comes at us. They really are a way for us to protect ourselves. The problem is when you get stuck in your comfort zone… you may be safe, but you also can’t grow and improve from there.
For some people change equals pain, or even perceived pain. Dr. Henry Cloud gives us some perspective on the relationship between pain and change:
“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
Yes, change can bring on pain. But staying the same can also bring the pain.
Think of a business owner who is losing money. If they stay the same, they will likely go out of business. If they do something to change, it could be scary, but it could also save the business. The pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.
For you to accept change, you have identify and possibly redefine the “pain” so you can make a better decision for you, your team, your family, or your company. Let’s look at our list again…
- Sometimes we resist change because we think the change will harm us. Ask yourself, ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ If it doesn’t involve death or dismemberment, it might be worth a try.
- Sometimes we resist change because we think we won’t be able to keep up (although we rarely admit this one). Honestly assess the skill you think you may or may not be able to handle. Ask for others opinions and advice. No one expects everyone to be an expert at everything. A person who embraces a change, learns from it and gets better will be for more well respected (and valuable) than the curmudgeon who stifles the change out of fear or ignorance.
- Sometimes we resist change because we can’t see what the true outcome is going to be (so our mind automatically goes for the worst case scenario). See step one (what’s the worst that could happen?), but also run through REALISTIC scenarios about possible outcomes. Seek out the opinions and perspectives of those who DO agree to see why they think this is a good thing. Listen with an open mind when they tell you!
- Sometimes we resist change solely because of the person who suggested it. Learn to identify this when it happens. You know the people who push your buttons… don’t poo-poo a good idea just because it came from someone you may not get along with. This could be the idea that takes the business to the next level… get over your differences and be able to admit when a good idea is a good idea.
And that’s it!! We made it to the end of our AIMS Communication Review Series. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below. If you have additional communication struggles that you would like to address, feel free to contact me directly at matt@performanceoptimist.com.
Thanks for reading!
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Matt Heller - Performance Optimist 